Sunday, January 4, 2015
Sunday Stealing....not.
I am too tired to tackle the way-too-many questions in the Sunday Stealing meme for today. Sigh.
Christmas is put away for another year, and it feels good to be done with it. Sounds awful when it is put in writing like that, I guess, but it does feel good to have it all put away.
My sister, Tammy, asked us to come up next weekend, so we are planning to go for two or three nights. She is having a hard time and needs to see some of her family. Bruce is stable, off the vent and responds to commands, though isn't speaking yet. The neurologist is meeting with her and Bruce's kids (all adult) on Monday morning, to go over the plan for moving forward. It sounds like Tammy is having some troubles with a couple of the 'kids'. Bruce is quite a bit older than Tammy, and his kids are all older than her, so you can imagine how difficult things could be.
If you haven't had a conversation with your loved ones about what your final wishes are, do it!! If you don't have a living will and/or health care surrogate named (legally) you need to do it. These days, you really have to have binding legal documents and your wishes in writing. It's just a conversation you need to have. None of us will live forever, and some of us will go sooner than we ever imagined. Accidents happen. Strokes happen. Cancer happens. Please be prepared and don't leave decisions up to people who won't be able to make them. You need to take the emotion out of it for your loved ones, and let them know YOU made the decisions for them. Off my soapbox.
To those who have been praying for Bruce and Tammy, please continue!! Your prayers are so appreciated!! We know prayers are heard.
I hope you are having a good Sunday!! Back to work tomorrow, for me. At least I got somewhat caught up last week.
Peace & blessings!!
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I agree 100% Terri. Everyone should have it in writing in some way, and that makes handling the death so much easier. No fussing or fighting. We have done that already, talking to our children and we have wills and advance directives in place. Hope you are able to rest today and get ready to go finish 2014 at work. We will continue to pray for Bruce and Tammy as long as you want us to. God bless you and Joe.
ReplyDeleteFamily can be such a pain in the butt in these situations. When my mom had gotten sick she had one friend that caused problems. I hope your BIL continues to improve and the relatives stop causing your sister problems.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! We deal with this a lot at work. Right now we have a man with cancer everywhere in his body. He's in awful pain and his kids are wanting him to continue chemo, be coded, feeding tube... the whole thing. And this guy can't talk for himself, so it's happening, although it will only give him a few more days and more discomfort. OK - off my soapbox! Glad you're going to support Tammy, will be praying.
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you, reality hit when my husband had his strokes at age 39, & I had breast cancer...my/our son doesn't have to worry about anything anymore...everything is set, no fighting, no aruging, nothing. Although, I am sure there will be some family members who will try...I completly understand where Tammy is coming from, been there, done that. I can't say this enough...Tammy must take care of herself. Keeping her and Bruce in prayer. (sliding off my soapbox now)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're going up there to support Tammy and help her talk everything out with a friendly ear. What a tremendous amount of stress to have the family come in and take over her and Bruce' life. She is entitled to a voice, and having you guys at her back will help her feel strong enough to express her views, too. I agree, You can't plan for everything, but having a living will helps, but right now, Bruce's health is the issue at hand. As Bruce is to move on with rehab, this squabbling needs to be abolished and he needs a firm family foundation to stand on. They need to unite to help him. He's got to relearn Everything....to speak, to walk, to write and to rewire his brain. This takes alot of work and alot of time and there will be setbacks. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Jill Taylor wrote a book about her stroke -- "A Stroke of Insight". It is an EXCELLENT book -- a relatively short read -- and it gives incredible insight into what may be happening on Bruce's side of the "wall". I encourage you to read it, Terri, and then give it to Tammy. It will help her alot. Jill's experience was very similar to what Mom told me that she was experiencing once she could speak about it. It's a fascinating look at a very mysterious event.
ReplyDeleteOh, Terri! I hate to hear this. I pray that Tammy finds comfort and courage and support in having you with her and that Bruce improves daily and is completely healed. I had a close friend who died from cancer, and her son was left with the agonizing decision to take her off the ventilator. It was the right thing to do. He had grieved and grieved about it, and I finally just had to talk to him as if I were her. He listened and laughed and cried like a baby because he said I sounded just like her and that he knew it was exactly what his mom would say to him. And thank the Good Lord in Heaven, he listened and had that catharsis. In situations like this, there is often guilt, sorrow and blame and along with things that should be dealt with on the front end.
ReplyDeleteThinking of each of you and praying that there is peace in the family.
Love,
Sheila
This was AFTER the fact that the questions kept nagging him, too. Long after the fact. It's a tough decision to make, and we had to make it with my mother and my aunt with my grandmother. xoxox
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to hear that you and Joe will be able to spend a few days with your sister. Perhaps, with the work that you have to get done, it's not the most convenient time for you, but I know your sister needs you. In a sense her husband has had it easier than she has. I know that when my brother had a motorcycle accident my mother stayed in the hospital the whole time he was there. Back then she only had a chair to sit and sleep on (what little she did). Then one of my nephews who also had a motorcycle accident a couple of summers ago.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'll keep the family in my prayers. You are 100% right about being prepared. Please give your sister a hug from me and one for yourself.
Having "arrangements" makes it so much easier on the kids too. I had to figure everything out myself when my mom died and it was stressful.
ReplyDeleteAnd I was so happy to put away the Christmas decorations, clean my house and have it back to normal!
Very good advice. I'm so sorry your sister is in this difficult situation, and I'm glad you can be with her next weekend. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteMy grandma had her wishes in an envelope under her dresser hand mirror, and every adult child knew where they were. I believe she had a will as well, but those were her funeral wishes. My mom has announced her wish to be cremated to save money. I can't tell you how upsetting that is to me!
ReplyDeleteMy Christmas decorations are still up. In fact, my daughter and I went out and bought a few special ornaments today on clearance and came home and put them on our trees! Teehee!